This is a bit of a story to tell. Not the fabricated kind. This is one of those that you live in and kind of wonder how it got this crazy...
When my daughter was graduating High School, I divorced... a couple of years later, I remarried and had a beautiful, sweet little bundle of joy, a baby boy. I had problems with this pregnancy. My age played a factor, as did my history of miscarriage, and my eyes changed early and I started having a lot of problems with floaters and bits of blind spots, it was pre eclampsia again. I had been in bed for the last three months of the pregnancy anyway, but the doctor insisted on inducing labor, fearing I would pass the due date and have worse problems... but he was born right on time by our reckoning... and he was perfect, sweet little round face, a bit of auburn fuzz on his head, blue eyes, and such a sweet, angelic baby. He was a good baby and seemed so healthy and happy, and I was in love... not just with my new baby, but with my husband. We were so happy, planning our future together, maybe having another child even though the doctor nearly yelled at me about that... No more babies.
Fang, my nicknamed for him here, was decided, would be our last attempt at babies... and my 'work' from then on, I didn't go back to being a florist. We decided, together, that he would have the opportunity to be home with me until he started to school. I never took him to a nursery and only ever left him with family for a few hours. ever!!!
Fang started having problems with his eyes when he first started to school. I was afraid that they might not catch it with the school exams and I took him into my doctor's office. He did have nearsightedness. He needed glasses, but over the years, it hasn't gotten as bad as fast as mine or my daughter's vision. I am so thankful for that. I don't know if it is different nutrition, different climate, different conditions in the house...different genes... what could be the reason for it, but I am so glad that we have been able to keep it to a minimum of changes. Matter of fact, one year it was exactly the same as the last, he only had to go into bigger frames because his head had grown... YIPEE!!!
I worry about my ability to care for my son, if I will lose him in a crowd, if I might not recognize him at school, if he will be in the masses of kids at the football games and me not be able to pick him out... but I have to say, he knows about my blindness. It has nearly consumed me and everything that I do, so he is well aware of what I am going through and how it affects me, and him... and he knows that it is so difficult for me emotionally, though I try to keep that from him. But there have been times when I needed to see something... and I break down and cry because I can't. It is so frustrating. I hate that I am weak in front of my son, but, sometimes it is so frustrating that I forget that he is just a kid.
When my husband passed away, I really had just begun to have major problems with my eyesight. I had a couple of cataracts that had just started getting large enough to be seen, but were large enough to hamper my sight. I was at a place that I was not able to drive at night, not able to function normally... So I had to have the surgery for them, and that is when the trouble really started. My son knows a lot of my inability to do many 'normal' things because he has had to go with me to doctor visits and really knows that it is difficult for me to do the day to day stuff... and he has stepped up and helps me with so many things around the house.
Fang is so sweet, he will lead me when I need help, especially when we are out. He knows when I am having a lot of trouble and will take my arm, or tell me that the is a curb coming up... or that there is a glass door ahead... things that I won't know, and he helps me to maneuver when we are in a crowd. He knows it is hard for me to get through a bunch of people. I lose my way easily. He just started into Junior High School this year, for parents night, they had the kids go to a basketball game and the parents went around the school to all the classes. Fang was worried that I would get lost but,I wasn't alone, so my son relaxed and got to enjoy his friends.
I want that. I want him to not have to worry about me. I want him to be oblivious like my daughter was, oh, she knew that I needed glasses and wore contacts... but I guess she just never knew that it was so bad. I tried to make it seem like I was no different than any other mother of her friends... well... except that I did do more with her and her friends than most of the moms... I do with my son as well, though it has slowed down a lot. But I want him to know that I care and love him and want to be a big part of his growing up.
I guess not having a large family was a blessing as well as a curse for me. It would have been such a drain on my body, The pregnancies that I did have were probably more than I should have had... but I feel so blessed that I have my kids.
When my daughter was graduating High School, I divorced... a couple of years later, I remarried and had a beautiful, sweet little bundle of joy, a baby boy. I had problems with this pregnancy. My age played a factor, as did my history of miscarriage, and my eyes changed early and I started having a lot of problems with floaters and bits of blind spots, it was pre eclampsia again. I had been in bed for the last three months of the pregnancy anyway, but the doctor insisted on inducing labor, fearing I would pass the due date and have worse problems... but he was born right on time by our reckoning... and he was perfect, sweet little round face, a bit of auburn fuzz on his head, blue eyes, and such a sweet, angelic baby. He was a good baby and seemed so healthy and happy, and I was in love... not just with my new baby, but with my husband. We were so happy, planning our future together, maybe having another child even though the doctor nearly yelled at me about that... No more babies.
Fang, my nicknamed for him here, was decided, would be our last attempt at babies... and my 'work' from then on, I didn't go back to being a florist. We decided, together, that he would have the opportunity to be home with me until he started to school. I never took him to a nursery and only ever left him with family for a few hours. ever!!!
Fang started having problems with his eyes when he first started to school. I was afraid that they might not catch it with the school exams and I took him into my doctor's office. He did have nearsightedness. He needed glasses, but over the years, it hasn't gotten as bad as fast as mine or my daughter's vision. I am so thankful for that. I don't know if it is different nutrition, different climate, different conditions in the house...different genes... what could be the reason for it, but I am so glad that we have been able to keep it to a minimum of changes. Matter of fact, one year it was exactly the same as the last, he only had to go into bigger frames because his head had grown... YIPEE!!!
I worry about my ability to care for my son, if I will lose him in a crowd, if I might not recognize him at school, if he will be in the masses of kids at the football games and me not be able to pick him out... but I have to say, he knows about my blindness. It has nearly consumed me and everything that I do, so he is well aware of what I am going through and how it affects me, and him... and he knows that it is so difficult for me emotionally, though I try to keep that from him. But there have been times when I needed to see something... and I break down and cry because I can't. It is so frustrating. I hate that I am weak in front of my son, but, sometimes it is so frustrating that I forget that he is just a kid.
When my husband passed away, I really had just begun to have major problems with my eyesight. I had a couple of cataracts that had just started getting large enough to be seen, but were large enough to hamper my sight. I was at a place that I was not able to drive at night, not able to function normally... So I had to have the surgery for them, and that is when the trouble really started. My son knows a lot of my inability to do many 'normal' things because he has had to go with me to doctor visits and really knows that it is difficult for me to do the day to day stuff... and he has stepped up and helps me with so many things around the house.
Fang is so sweet, he will lead me when I need help, especially when we are out. He knows when I am having a lot of trouble and will take my arm, or tell me that the is a curb coming up... or that there is a glass door ahead... things that I won't know, and he helps me to maneuver when we are in a crowd. He knows it is hard for me to get through a bunch of people. I lose my way easily. He just started into Junior High School this year, for parents night, they had the kids go to a basketball game and the parents went around the school to all the classes. Fang was worried that I would get lost but,I wasn't alone, so my son relaxed and got to enjoy his friends.
I want that. I want him to not have to worry about me. I want him to be oblivious like my daughter was, oh, she knew that I needed glasses and wore contacts... but I guess she just never knew that it was so bad. I tried to make it seem like I was no different than any other mother of her friends... well... except that I did do more with her and her friends than most of the moms... I do with my son as well, though it has slowed down a lot. But I want him to know that I care and love him and want to be a big part of his growing up.
I guess not having a large family was a blessing as well as a curse for me. It would have been such a drain on my body, The pregnancies that I did have were probably more than I should have had... but I feel so blessed that I have my kids.
