Day 17-- Not Seeing what is in Front of You

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This is going pretty far off the original outline for my blog, but this is the first day that I have felt like actually blogging for a few days now, and I felt that this is what I need to write.  Bear with me!
I drive my family crazy most days,
In my house, everything has a place. All objects need to be in their place... and if they aren't, I can't find them... even if said object is right in front of me.
 I have discussed that I have been going blind over the course of my lifetime, with a few episodes that have brought on a greater degree of blindness. With a few statements, you might have figured that at times, my vision is so bad that I am unable to function. Most days, I can, but those days that I can't... I know that I drive the family crazy. My son will point out what I am looking for (usually right in front of me) and will shake his head.
It is a burden on them I know. What I don't know is... how can I change the way I function so that I am not a burden on my kids or my friends?

 I am learning how to read braille, but really? I don't know if I will ever be able to really read. It is tough to learn. I mean, I learned Latin, French, Spanish and some Italian and Greek... surely I can learn Braille.  It is unlike learning a foreign language. The whole premise is that you feel the dots on the page and you decipher those raised bumps into language. I can't do that. Oh, I can feel the dots, but my mind is just not going to register the patterns... and I am unable to figure out what the patterns mean. Honestly, I think maybe there is like a block in my brain because it shouldn't be this hard... should it?  Is it this hard to learn in childhood? Do other people have this hard a time?
 To deal with my hearing loss, I started learning American Sign Language (ASL). Actually I started learning  in elementary school and then as an adult I took a video course... before it was cool kind of classes. In elementary, if you were in this certain section of the grade level, and you had good grades... they allowed you to chose a place to "work" . It was a privilege  to do this. It meant that you had some responsibility and could get out of doing something... I don't remember now what it was that you got to avoid.
 I was offered to work with the "handicapped" kids. I was the only one that ever worked in there. I don't know why...  There were hearing impaired kids that taught me to sign and I remembered simple phrases and how to spell. So,  when they offered the online classes as kind of a 'perk' for living in an isolated area,  I thought, yes... that is the class I can build upon what I know. I even attended a couple of workshops in a larger town, but I never got very good at it. I didn't have anyone to "talk" to. Kind of like learning French to not ever use it to speak to anyone... it was kind of lost on me. 

Braille?  This is just not going to turn out as well as the ASL...Not only is it difficult to learn, it isn't like a language that you can learn and share... it is something very private. You can use the knowledge to communicate with other people, but to me it is so personal. You can read it and then read aloud, but it isn't like translating it from a foreign language... it is translating it from your fingers to your brain to your mouth...
I really think there is a block in there somewhere that is stopping me...

After discussing this before on the blog, I am really noticing  more and more...how signs in Braille aren't very orderly. I am always shocked that they don't really have a uniform height and more of a uniform way that signage is used... maybe the Americans With Disabilities Act will bring about the changes needed to make them uniform here in the States. But it is going to take more than an Act of Congress to be sure that all businesses follow these guidelines. It is going to take the public to notice that signs can be confusing if they aren't used properly.... and ... lack of signs can be confusing...
The whole idea is to enable people to be more independent.  To be able to function without having to depend on other people is of the utmost importance to someone like me. I have been independent for so long, it is hard to give up my freedom and mobility. I don't want to depend on my friends to take me everywhere, to have to accompany me to the bathroom... sigh,..
I suppose that is why I remember directions the way I do. I memorize floor-plans, memorize maps, memorize different routes to take. My daughter told me recently that she didn't know how I could do it, whenever we would go to a new town, I could navigate to where ever we were going without any problems. I didn't have to worry about directions... that is because I memorized the maps.  This is a problem if I am telling someone else where to go, because I "see" in my mind where I need to go. I have a hard time translating that into spoken directions... maybe that same block that I have with Braille?